Hello, sorry for not telling you but I’ve been in Berlin this week. I’ve just got back home and I already have post-holiday blues. I had a really good time discovering a new city and remembering what it’s like to be somewhere where you don’t understand a word they’re saying to you (it’s been many years since I’ve holidayed in a non-franco or anglophone country). But there were a few ‘turning points’ (à la History Boys) that really make me think and reflect.

Like homophobia-driven confrontations on the dance floor of a night club in a 21st century capital city. Excuse me?! I mean, in the middle of a Lebanese shopping centre or an Abu Dhabi business meeting this sort of behaviour wouldn’t be altogether unexpected, but is it really in Europe? Inversely, I understand also that seeing two guys necking one another on a night out isn’t everyone’s cup of tea but tolerance is the name of the game, or failing that just not behaving like a total savage.

Otherwise my impressions of Germany on my first ever visit were good. A French guide book I bought talked for pages and pages about the ‘coldness’ of the Germans, though I found the truth to be the polar opposite. I actually think the French could learn an awful lot from the Germans’ openness and hospitality. In fact the thing I enjoy the absolute most about travelling to different places and meeting new people is, as cliché as it may sound, seeing how much we all stand to learn from others. How to act, how to think, how to live. To drop the frustrating coincé and superior attitude of the French, the ignorance and pig-headedness of the English, in favour of a more German attitude. And I’m sure there are some that would do it better than the Germans, so I would love to find that place and learn even more.

Anyway, I’m all alone in my flat since I flew back a day earlier than all my friends due to work commitments. Yes, the post-holiday blues have been brought on much quicker all thanks to the fact that tomorrow morning I have to get myself out of bed to go to work like an idiot for 12 hours for the most horrible man in Paris who is always happy to count the till at the end of the night but has never to date thought about the benefits of thanking the staff that make him the very wealthy and odious man that he is.

He too has a lot to learn.

Today at work I met and chatted with a very lovely woman who turned out to be Katarznya Figura, a rather prominent Polish actress.

She’d been to a film festival in Reims and decided to nip down to Paris for a bit and visit her favourite wine bar here. (That’s where I come in).

In May she’s back in Paris doing a play and she’s promised to come back and bring me tickets.

(Nicolas Sarkozy’s brother also dined with us this lunchtime, but I liked the actress more).

The wedding buffet at work this evening was a carvery style and I was in charge of cutting and serving the salmon. As the guests filed past me, however, they were not best pleased.

“Would you like any salmon at all, sir? Madam?” I would say. And they would give me a look that suggested that this was the single most preposterous offer they’d ever received; as if, for example, I’d just asked them if they wouldn’t mind if I urinated on them, or, “would you like any horse manure with those vegetables? Yeah? Just a little bit on the side there? Yep? Lovely.”

In reality what I was offering people was just salmon, so I was totally surprised by the hostility with which I was met. I mean, what would be so offensive about a slither of salmon if you’ve already piled your plate up with a smorgasbord of various other cold meats and potato salads? Never before have I seen people react to seafood with such contempt.

I’m desperate for money and I love dogs. Ergo, I mashed the two together and made a Petite Annonce on Craigslist advertising my services as a dog walker.

To date, I’ve already managed to con one French family into believing that I’m a qualified, experienced English teacher, and they trust me with their three beloved children for two hours a week, so I’m figuring that getting people to part with their pooches (and Euros) won’t be too difficult either.