Yesterday I saw this laptop bag in Maison de Ville, a wonderful shop a few doors down from my apartment and I just knew I had to have it. I couldn’t stop thinking about it all day today so went back and bought it.

It’s super green and super gay, but fuck it. I do live in the Gay Marais in Gay Paris and a splash of ostentatious leather in a vibrant colour against my usual muted shirt-and-jumper combination is hardly the most offensive thing that I could do to my innocent Catholic upbringing. So I’m embracing it.

(Also I did ask the shop assistant her advice on colours and walked up and down the shop in front of a mirror seeing which one was best. That is the gayest thing of all).

I will have to pull my heart away
‘cause if I never leave I’ll ruin yesterday.

HAAHAHHAHAHA. Oh, Jack Peñate.. why would you sing this? It’s a good job I’ve been too busy to think about this much this week because it’s devastatingly and infuriatingly true and I don’t know how I’ll feel about it when I get more time to think.

Must keep busy.

Dancing with my mum to Chaka Khan from her new 80s Groove compilation album on her birthday.

Actor Kieron Richardson (aka Ste from Hollyoaks) has joined the dark side having just come out on This Morning.

Welcome to the fold.

So I’ve finally found a new apartment in Paris! Well, honestly speaking my flatmate did all the finding, I have just been involved in transferring money.

The property is situated right in the centre of Paris in the 4th arrondissement, which, for those of you that don’t know, is largely dominated by a district called Le Marais. 

Le Marais - or as I affectionately like to call it, the Simon Amstell quarter - is rich in history and is traditionally credited as the Jewish area of Paris. Much like a more bourgeois Golder’s Green. In recent years, however, it has been more commonly associated with gay culture and is home to many of the finest, seediest and quite often downright disgusting gay bars, clubs, cafés and hotels that France has to offer.

The flat itself sits on the third floor above a bakery called Legay Choc (‘Legay’ actually being quite a common French surname despite it meaning exactly what you think it means). The choc (or ‘shock’ in English) is evident from its product list including this enormous penis-shaped loaf. In fact, I understand that the bakery sells nothing but phallic breads and confectioneries.

I’m quite excited to move in when I get back to Paris, though I feel the surroundings of the apartment could make quite a talking point when the grandparents come to stay.

My sister text me while I was at work this evening saying that Mum had inexplicably thrown away her and Dad’s toothbrushes, could I buy some on my way home?

So when I finished work at eleven, I drove down to Tesco and bought the toothbrushes, a sandwich and Love It! (by far my favourite magazine), paid and made to leave.

As I approached the doors, a lesbian couple came in and I looked at them, in a way that anyone leaving Tesco late at night would look at anyone entering Tesco at the same time - gay, lesbian; black, white; fat, thin - and when they’d passed me I heard one say to the other, “he’s gay.”

“How do you know?” enquired the second. Yes, how do you know? I thought to myself.

“I just do,” replied the first.

I’ve never really fully understood what Proposition 8 was/is, but all I know is I’m glad it’s been overturned or whatever because now all the gays are happy. And everyone knows life is easier when the gays are happy.

So power to the people and NO H8 and all that.

This is just bizarre. I can’t work out if it’s good or bad, positive or negative, or good as an advert or not. All I get from it is cringe.

I’m not sure what it is, but something about a lads’ night in that involves playing topless singstar just screams GAY.

Anyone else?