• Shaved my face no fewer than three times
• Filed my nails
• Replied to everyone I’ve never replied to on facebook
• Seductively eaten a Mars bar in front of the mirror
• Read approximately ten wall-to-walls right back from day 0

These are the things I have done today to avoid doing my essay, but now since there remain only 6 hours of free time between tonight and when this bitch is due I’m starting to get extremely anxious about the 233 words that I actually have written.

Also I’ve spent so much time in bed these last few days that my joints are all beginning to ache. Next stop, bed sores. HOT!